The world according to Alan

Celebrations.

• Jesus: Judas, hey. Yo. You. Hey. What is up.
• Judas: I'm going to assume from that garbled grasp of English that you're already drunk for New Year's?
• Jesus: "Already"? Try *still*. It was only my birthday a week ago, man, I've still got a buzz goin'.
• Judas: I don't think that's healthy.
• Jesus: Quit worrying. Jeez. I swear, all your negativity is going to be the death of me.
• Judas: Normally you'd be really frustrating me right now, but you know what? I'm turning over a new leaf. One of my resolutions for 2012 is "be a calmer person".
• Jesus: Oh, right, resolutions. Yeah. Those are a thing.
• Judas: Well surely you don't need to make any, since you're already perfect, right?
• Jesus: Hey. Hey. You can always be better, Jude. Like, okay - water's pretty good, right? Especially if you're one of those dolphins the local aquarium took in? Well, you know what's better than water?
• Judas: For dolphins? Nothing. The end. End of the story.
• Jesus: WINE, dude. I turned that shit into *wine*. Totally improved, one hundred percent. "It's time for an undersea par-tay!" That's the song I sang.
• Judas: ...
• Jesus: At the aquarium.
• Judas: And I'm sure everything turned out great, huh?
• Jesus: Actually, it did. Because you know what else wine is great for? Funerals.
• Judas: Dolphin funerals?
• Jesus: You. Are. Getting. The hang. Of. This.