On being single!
Some naysayers (family, friends, general members of the community) have told me that I’m living an “unhealthy” lifestyle. They are clearly wrong, though, because I haven’t been this happy since I met Susan, my ex-wife.
While I was married to her it was nothing but, “find a job” this and “have you found a job yet?” that. Now that I’ve been divorced for about 2 years, I’m finally living the most awsomest way imaginable.
Just take a look at what my day consisted of today:
-Woke up at 8:30 to the sound of people going to church. I shut my window and blinds and fell back to sleep.
-Woke up at 12:30 and ate breakfast which consisted of Apple Jacks, milk that I didn’t know was chunky, and coffee that tasted like gasoline.
-Got dressed which meant socks, boxers and a sweater (because it’s cold in my apartment).
-Stared at the Internet for several hours.
-Ate dinner which consisted of a box of crackers, a tube of liverwurst, and 8000% of my recommended daily intake of sodium.
-Listened to a side of an R.L. Burnside record while looking at antiques on eBay.
-Played that game with my cat where you make him chase around a laser dot and then you start pointing the laser at your neighbour’s eyes.
-Talked to the police for a while.
-Thought about looking for a job.
-Ate 6 pouches of instant oatmeal.
And now here I am writing this entry. As you can see, I’m living the life of freedom, economic, social, or otherwise. Hell, I don’t even have to spend my money on laundry and can spend it on pizza instead! And I do!
So here’s to you, Susan! The best thing to ever happen to me was when you cheated on me with the Italian fashion designer who lived in the apartment above us!
