Guys, grow up. The Invisible Children guy is a good guy.
He’s trying to raise our attention and make us come to a conclusion about what should be done. He wants to erect a stable government in Uganda. He wants us to get out in public and show everyone our huge knowledge about the issue. He wants us to see his penis, and him stroking it, while he’s vandalizing cars.
Like other lonely people, I got a cat to keep me company. Like other cat owners, I’ve slowly been going insane. Like other insane people, I’ve started calling my cat a variety of names which, if anyone else heard me say them, would land me in a mental hospital. Here is a list of the most common names I call my cat:
- My handsome little man - My handsome little man with tap shoes - My handsome little man with tap shoes who’s going tap dancing - My little snuggle pudding (?) - Stinky bum - Sir Meows-a-lot - My little British gentleman - Little tickle toes - My furry little Japanese business man - Grumpy goo-goo - Fuzzy numbly little wuzzy (when I’m very drunk)
On this day, International Women’s Day, I would like to say sorry to all the women in the world.
I’m sorry you still earn less than men. I’m sorry a disproportionate number of men hold positions of power and authority. I’m sorry that we’re still arguing over your right to choose. I’m sorry we’re arguing about fucking birth control. I’m sorry very popular personalities call you things like, “slut” and “prostitute” just because you were standing up for your rights. I’m sorry you’re still objectified. I’m sorry a lot of people still shame the victim of rape, instead of the rapist. I’m sorry that even though women have been around just as long as men, we still can’t seem to convince all the men to live in equality and harmony and mutual respect. I’m sorry that, despite being humanity’s better half, a lot of men go out of their way to make you feel like shit.
Just know that, despite all the awful men, there are a ton of guys out there who would totally carve you a table out of an oak tree, no questions asked.
“[E]ach ‘egg person’ and each ‘sperm person’ should be deemed equal in the eyes of the government and be subject to the same laws and regulations as any other dependent minor and be protected against abuse, neglect or abandonment by the parent or guardian,” says the resolution. “[L]aws should be enacted by all legislative bodies in the United States to promote equal representation, and should potentially include laws in defense of ‘personhood,’ forbidding every man from destroying his semen.”
…”However, any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child,” reads the amendment.
I am completely dumbstruck by this. Are people that upset over abortion that they would actually go this far to stop it? I just… words fail me.
If I lived in Wilmington City, I would be in jail for life for how many times I would have broken the law today.