On Bank Robberies!
We parked the getaway car in front of the bank and stared at the entrance. “This is going to be awesome,” I said. “I don’t know about this, man. Are you sure you planned everything properly?” My best friend the garbage man said. “Are you kidding me? The only security guard on duty is a 78 year old woman. She uses a cane for Christ’s sake. Now come on,...
Go and pick up the nearest newspaper and read the headlines (DON’T PICK UP THE NEWSPAPER AND READ THE HEADLINES!). Did you notice how depressing and terrifying they were? Luckily I’m a world renowned* meditation expert. I have helped world leaders, celebrities, and people who play skateboards, relax. Now, for a low low price of whatever bills you send me in the mail, I will help...
[Picture of a cat]
I’m torn over whether to be pro-SOPA or anti-SOPA. On the pro side, there would never be a stupid meme ever, ever again. Seriously, fuck those things. However, on the anti side, there wouldn’t be any pornography. This is a really tough call.
Sorry to perpetuate a stereotype, but American...
Canadian beer, on the other hand, tastes like love and happiness and I’m not going in to work tomorrow because I’ve already drank a 12 pack.
I don’t hate blah people! My best friend is blah!– Rick Santorum
Ten Sexy Ladies: 7-Eleven, 12:45AM →
tensexyladies: 7-Eleven, 12:45AM Nobody is happy to be here. No one is proud of the decisions they’re making right now. Nothing good will come of this. Our night will not be taking a good turn because of the corn dog rollers, the egg salad sandwich, the porn magazine entitled FUGGO, the 64 fluid ounces of Pepsi mixed with Diet Pepsi, the lottery ticket, the tampons, the 5-hour energy shot, or,...
i am your canadian boyfriend: 2012 →
I awake on New Year’s Day to discover my fingers stuck in ten different vodka bottles. They make a terrible clatter as I somehow manage to don my kimono emblazoned with a .44 Magnum Colt Anaconda and the words I WILL DESERT STORM DAT ASS in Papyrus. I wait for my boner to subside and then go outside to greet 2012. The wintry air is invigorating upon my boner which did not subside. The year...
My resolution for this year is to be less bald. So...
I hope I can go another year without suffering a...
If I don't find my gun in the next 4 hours my 2011...