I used to believe that there was a God and that Jesus would come back and save all the good, honest, loving people in the world. But after watching the 20 Republican debates, and 5 minutes of an episode of Toddlers in Tiaras, I now believe that God and Jesus saw what was going on down here and just sort of stared at each other in bewilderment and silently agreed to never speak of us ever again.
Has anyone thought to make sure Billy Crystal...
Can you guys/girls help me?
Hey everyone, sorry for calling you dummies. I didn’t really mean that. Can you still read this for me? I’d appreciate it a whole lot. It might be hard to believe that someone like me who is extremely awesome, cool, handsome, intelligent, and good at making sex to ladies would be afraid of something, but guess what? I’m totally afraid of flying. Like, my palms are sweating and...
Had a shower with my cat and now he can't look me...
afternoonsnoozebutton: Gingrich: “This is the administration where if you’re America’s enemy, you’re safe.”
So weird that all the presidents were born on the...
My rap song
I waft my farts up into my face, My parents think I’m a disgusting disgrace. I don’t care let them think what they will, Cause at the end of the day they pay all my bills. This is an excerpt from my new hit rap song entitled “I’m so cool that your party can’t handle me so I don’t even care that you didn’t invite me”.
Anonymous asked: soo I sent you a valentine's day e-card but it says you still didn't view it.. type in tumblrlinks[dót]cóm/?alanharris then sign up and then check your ''alanharris'' inbox 1234567891111
Anonymous asked: Thoughts on WikiLeaks?
Hark! A Vagrant:: Canadian History Superquiz, 1 →
beatonna: 1. Which sounds more correct to you, “The Harper Government,” or: - We The People - L’etat C’est Moi - The Government of Canada - One Ring To Rule Them All 2. Memorize these figures: - 49th parallel - 51st state - 19th birthday - 18 in Quebec and Alberta 3. Which speech put the most voters to sleep: - “Let me reiterate at length what I just repeated” - Meighen - “You’ll...
I hate my dad. He is always going on about how I need to go out and find a job and get my own apartment and “grow-up”. It’s like, yeah okay, I got it. You couldn’t have waited until after I was done breastfeeding to talk about this?
On the First Amendment
Remember when those presidential candidates who strongly “believe” in free speech backed Ralph Nader’s challenge to be allowed into the presidential debates in 2000 and 2004? Good times.
The first thing I had to learn about the Internet is that you have to pretend to be humble and deeply touched by all the love that you receive. The second thing I had to learn is that once you have some sort of “fame” you can screw pretending to be humble and touched and be a dick to everyone instead. The third thing I had to learn is that you get to a point when you can start being...