The world according to Alan

Well, it’s happened.

I’ve finally sold out.

After years of staying away from the blogging community, refusing to join the trend, disliking the prospect of converting all my written thoughts into typed ones and shuddering at the idea that anyone can read this (although I highly doubt anyone would WANT to read this), I have given in.

I’ve gone viral.

“Why?” You might ask (and by “you” I mean whatever sap might happen upon this sorry excuse for a blog). Well, first, how dare you question someone you don’t even know. Secondly, my friend did it, and I can’t very well let him be the only one polluting the internet with his thoughts. Thirdly, I love shaving.

The last reason has nothing to do with why I started blogging, which wouldn’t really make it a reason at all, actually. It’s more of a random fact.

Continuing with the “I love shaving,” I have a weird obsession with it. I slap on some Sinatra or Zeppelin and let the blade shave away. Then I throw on some Aqua Velva which burns the hell out of my face because I hack myself up like a monkey with a butcher knife.

Speaking of which, I need to stock up on both butcher knives and monkeys. I have this awesome idea for “Monkey Butler Knife Fights” in conjunction with my friend Bo where the monkeys dress up like butlers and then knife fight each other, or maybe even unsuspecting lookers-on.

Well, that about does it for the maiden voyage of this blog.

Hope you enjoyed it, or at the very least didn’t feel the need to look up where I live and track me down in order to beat me to death for wasting your time.