I recently wrote and posted a piece detailing my negative feelings toward my ex and what happened at the end of our relationship. As it is coming up to a year since we last saw each other, I have been having a very difficult time emotionally. What I wrote was written in a time of great weakness and despair, and I regret it thoroughly.
I believe that my ex still does love me. I believe she misses me as much as I miss her. I believe that she made the only decision she felt she could given the circumstances. Ultimately, however, these beliefs could just be what I tell myself so things make sense.
She needs and deserves to have a partner who is present to comfort her, support her, be intimate with her, experience life with her, and in moving away I deprived her of such. It is my belief that she wishes I didn’t leave as much as I wish I didn’t, but with me being gone she did what she needed to do to move on. I forced her hand, as it were. My absence, the uncertainty of the future, the lack of satisfaction in our relationship towards the end, it was all too much.
I still love her entirely, I still miss her terribly, I still despair for her absence, I still painfully regret leaving her (and will for as long as I live). I used to say this to her all the time and it still holds true: there’s nothing that could cause me to doubt my love for her. Any anger and pain and hatred is just an expression of my own battered ego and my own self-pity, not an accurate representation of how I actually feel towards my ex. As I’ve said countless times before, she’s angelic, and to her my heart will always belong.
I shouldn’t have posted what I wrote, and I ask that it be disregarded. I’ll be deleting it thusly. I had to return as I wish not for that trash to be on the record.